Tammyism: Why Friday Is The Perfect Sick Day

For the purpose of this story the word IT = kid/s.

You wake up feeling like crap on Sunday. You somehow manage to get through Monday. You think, “I made it through Monday. I will OWN Tuesday.”  You suffer sickly through Tuesday. Now you’re tired as hell and here comes Wednesday.

WOOT!!! Halfway there! You can do this! The end is near! That’s what you tell yourself. Meanwhile by the end of Wednesday you leave work and crawl into your car. You have no memory of how you get home. You order a pizza and try in vain to doze off on the couch while IT jumps all over you while talking REALLY LOUDLY.

Thursday arrives. Now you’re in panic mode. Do I call in sick? Do I go and leave early? I’LL NEVER MAKE IT! Of course if you go in and leave early there’s no longer any point. It just means you’ll spend the three hour gap awake at home on the couch stressing that you’ll fall asleep and forget to pick IT up from school. Not exactly restful. So, in a daze, with one eye open and half a brain …you go to work and suffer through Thursday.

Thursday night.

You feel like you’re a marathoner in some kind of,  “I’m sick and I survived!” race only the race is far from over and it seems to get strangely longer in distance the more you try to compete. Worse yet, you now realise that even if you somehow manage to fool people into thinking you’re not sleeping while ‘working’ on Friday that there will be nothing stopping the Saturday from arriving. You shudder. You KNOW what that means. It means IT will be home. It means IT will be up and prying your crusty little red eyes open at the ass crack of dawn saying “GET UP IT’S SATURDAY I WANT TO PLAY PLAY PLAY!!!!”

You shudder again. You can’t do it. You know that if you don’t get some rest before Saturday 5:30am gets here there will be nothing holding you back from bawling like a baby and screaming at IT, “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY GO BACK TO BED RIGHT NOW! GIVE ME TEN MORE MINUTES AND I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT! ANYTHING!”

IT’s not stupid. IT happily says, “okay” and leaves.

2.5 seconds later from a range close enough to feel ITS breath on your ear…

“HAS IT BEEN TEN MINUTES YET?”

And THIS is why Friday is the perfect sick day. :)

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10 Responses to Tammyism: Why Friday Is The Perfect Sick Day

  1. Pat Hollett says:

    This made me laugh! This is sooo funny! And you are comical as hell!! You should write comedy! Seriously…I don’t know another writer who is half as funny as you! :) Good stuff. Brilliant post as usual. Enjoyed the read. Kept me glued! :)

  2. Marianne Su says:

    Yup. I can identify with this. :) So true.

  3. Gareth says:

    There’s a few things your missing here. The younger sibling to IT comes into the room, climbs on the bed and drags a wet nappy across your face. Thats the Stormtrooper Blitzkrieg to your Satuday Morning, you have no defence, its either lie there praying that it was a terrible dream or get out of bed, head for your industrial strength cleaner and try to scrub the memory from your face, whilst thinking about having to change your bed before you can get back in.

    Whilst in the bathroom, you’re left wondering why you ever thought kids were a good thing. “But honey, it’ll be half me and half you, it’ll be sweet.” Wondering which part of you and he made it (your twisted sense of humour, his inability to take instructions) all the while trying to figure out how to get through the day, entertain “hells spawn” and find a way to get some extra sleep.

    Then it hits you, I’ll send (insert other halfs name here) shopping with “The Terror.” It’ll be easy, he’ll take a few hours, be distracted by things like games, books and of course films and will still take IT to a pet shop to look at animals or possibly a toy shop (Insert small monetary limit here to make IT take ages choosing.) You can then get a good few hours, after all, he’ll be out before 12 and not back in before closing. (That’ll be a whole 5 and a half hours of sleep, wonderful.)

    Only to discover, after he’s left that you’ve got a ton of washing to do for Monday (OK 4 hours of sleep), an Ironing Pile that has Edmund Hillary half way up it (3 hours sleep), microscopic toys to tidy up (that your foot found the hard way, 2 hours sleep) and topped it all off with having to clean the bathroom that has more mud in it that your garden. (Urrrggghhhh one hour sleep.)

    Finally you’ve got it all sorted, are dressed for a quip 40 winks. (Hey as long as I get half an hours kip I’ll be cool.) When that door bangs open, the whirlwind of IT rushes in, desperate to show Mom their new toy, with a other half carefully maneuvering towards the TV with a suspicious looking game package that you thought he couldn’t afford) asking sweetly whats for Tea. AAARRRGGGGHHH, no wonder some people wish they could hire a hitman. LOL

    Now Friday, that the perfect day to take off, the Monster is in School, he’s at work, and whilst you know you have the weekend from Hell on its way. Its a few hours of peace and quiet, to catch up on sleep, so you get yourself ready, climb into bed suddenly to realise that its way to quiet and you can’t sleep until the TV is on full belt, bashing out those damn Kids TV programmes that you just can’t get out of your head. LOL

  4. This was so incredibly awesome. I have so been there. I used to point to the clock and say, “When this number gets to 3 (making it 5:30am instead of 5am), you can wake me up.”

    *hugs*

  5. T. James says:

    You have a talent for making the daily drama of being a parent into a comedy scene – one I enjoyed reading.

    Hope you are feeling better after your own play day.

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